I am a Man: Carl Brooks
First written October 12, 2014 by Zakiya Jackson
“I feel like people really want me to be something that I’m not.”
Who is Carl Brooks? It met him a year ago and have listened to his story ever since. He’s a little bit older than #JohnCrawford, #MikeBrown, #VonderrittMyers #TrayvonMartin #JordanDavis would be if they were still alive. He’s retelling the narrative of Black Men with his life and I just have one question for you as you read about him…if they gun him down too, how will you remember him? I’d celebrate his passion, humor, creativity and his dance with double consciousness.
In this interview you’ll see my personal thoughts or interjections interspersed throughout. It’s more fun that way!
And so the story goes…
Who is Carl Brooks?
CB: I’m a junior atGordon College, 21 years old, majoring in Sociology, minoring in Biblical Studies.
ZNJ: What led you to your major?
CB: I came in as Biblical Studies because I’ve always felt a call to ministry. I didn’t know what that meant, but I wanted to be equipped. It was really natural to me. I’ve always loved reading the Bible.
But last year I started to not feel right. I always thought education was about seeing yourself — and I couldn’t see myself in what I was studying.
My syllabi where all White men, all very reformed and I didn’t see what I believe or how I interpret the Bible. Different interpretations are important, God teaches us that way, but it didn’t feel right.
At the same time I was doing community and urban development. I wanted to learn more about race, politics, urban planning, etc… So that’s how I ended up in sociology.
In my reading, my prayer time, as I seek God and what God has for me — I’ve been really pulled by sociology and by learning about the births of cities.
ZNJ: Do you work now?
CB: I have three jobs.
(Yeah, that’s so yardie. Love it. One love Carl.)
(1)I’m the president of ALANA student organization. Our purpose is Redeeming Creation’s Diversity. Often in evangelicalism, colorblindedness is promoted. And that’s not of God. God made us to reflect His creativity and to ignore that is not His will. Christ made us diverse on purpose. This helps us better understand God.
(2) I am an intern at the Center for Entrepreneurial Leadership. It’s all about social enterprise. It’s about how to use enterprise to glorify God — and to improve the realities of neighbors.
(3) I started a spoken word club at school freshman year. So I do that still also.
(I couldn’t get him to drop the mic for us — sorry everyone!)
ZNJ: Have Millennials bought into colorblindedness?
CB: Oh yeah — oh yeah — at least the ones that I know. Especially more in the Christian evangelical circle. Why? Because we want to think the world is good. There’s no overt hate. There is this hyper-optimism. It is easier for my friends who are not Christian, than the ones who are, to believe that the world is not messed up.
ZNJ: How does being a conscious Black Man go in your reality of living in a very White world?
CB: I get away with saying some pretty controversial things. (We both laugh.) I’m not sure why. Especially in one on one conversations — people walk away understanding what I am saying even if they don’t agree. I’m still learning how to deal with that.
I think there is a lot of temptation…to change faces depending on where I am. It’s the reality for every black or brown people. I never want to forsake my culture — I always want to uplift people of color. I also want to speak the language of white people. There’s a double consciousness I have to deal with.
So here is a video showing Carl and the double consciousness needed for his day to day life. If you aren’t sure what that means or are just curious, watch and learn.
SMLXL
ZNJ: If you could describe yourself in 30 words, what would you say?
CB: I’m a…
(long reflective pause) … young, urban African American Male attempting to reconcile my love for American cities and how I think American cities feel about me given the history of these cities. My faith is the dome over that.
ZNJ: And what inspires you?
My parents got divorced when I was 11 or 12, middle school. So I was watching my mom go from secondary breadwinner to getting three jobs. She was always working. But every Saturday she would spend time with my brother and I. Three years after that she went and got her master’s in social work. She graduates with 3.98 and the food is still bomb on the table. She’s taught me so much about how to be a man.
My grandmother is my spiritual rock. My mom can do anything.
Before I even knew what feminism is, I got mad about people talking down women because my mom is the chief.
ZNJ: What is your number one most played song?
CB: Oh yeah!
- Gambino — Life: the Biggest Troll.
- Everything is Good — Chance from the Acid Rap album.
- Isaiah Rashad — Are you Down?
ZNJ: If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?
CB: Teleporting because of travel. I love to travel.
ZNJ: Where would you like to go?
CB: Well I’ve learned from the author Albert Memmi about racism. He’s from France. So, I want to go there because it is a really big sociological hub. Or Detroit. Paris or Detroit. The American City completely fascinates me. There is hardly anything like it in the world.
(I LOVE that Carl listed Detroit & Paris together. I’m over the ongoing Detroit Shade Festival.)
ZNJ: Let’s do some word associations. What is the first word that comes to mind when I say…
ZNJ: Final Question. What is it important for people to know about Black Men?
CB: We feel deeply. Against what we are taught, we feel deeply. One of the characteristics of a lot of the Black Men I know, is that they can make other people feel deeply. They make others feel real. Listen to Kendrick Lamar.
Another thing is this:
I was at this farm thing — summer camp for high school kids — I saw this one horse, right. It was a young horse, it was really small. They sorta have him in this pen. I asked why. The guy that works there said they breed thoroughbred horses. The horse I saw was an extra one, the third one. He said they want to keep it weak and docile and keep it in the pen. The plan was to let him out when he is older. The horse was kickin up a storm — and I thought it was so interesting that they want to tame the horse — they don’t need it anymore of him, so they’re gonna leave him in the pen. I think we have done that throughout history — to Black People in general and maybe especially Black Men. We don’t want you to reach your potential.
But what you can be fits in three categories –you can be the thug, the bad guy. Or the good guy–suit, clean shaven. Or you can be an artsy person. If you are not gonna be one of those tropes, we don’t know want to do with you. Same is true of black women — she can be a #StrongBlackwoman, Mammy or Jezebel.
And a lot of us are saying yo — we can be more than one thing.
I feel like people really want me to be something that I’m not.
#BlackLivesMatter
#WeekendofResistance
#HandsUpDontShoot
I don’t fit in a box. It’s time that Black Men get out of that box. The horse really blew my mind. You’re just not gonna let him be a thoroughbred. He’s supposed to be exceptional — you can’t be exceptional. This was determined before you were even born. That’s just how it is.
These are Carl’s words. How will you remember him? What story will you remember of our Black Men?
